The best things can happen early in the morning. When you wake up before the alarm, and see that it isn’t dark outside, but when you look at the clock and see it is 6:20am. Well, as I lay there I think to myself, “do I roll over and go back to sleep? Or do I get up and do something productive?”
Usually I get up, whether I do something productive or not depends on the perspective. Today I write. Because that is what I am inspired to do. I got up early, so I gave myself the gift of the hours to do as I wish instead of sleep. That’s my way of looking at it.
I have been struggling for a direction. What do I want to do with the rest of my life? My children are almost grown, the youngest turned 18 this month, and is a senior this year. I am still, and will always be Mama. Not only to my children, but also to the others who lovingly call me that. But they all have lives, and now it is my turn.
I have a number of things that I enjoy doing, and I am trying to do all of them. Sometimes it gets a little hard to do that. I know that the wild child is having the same issue in trying to pick her career, and she is just starting out. When you ask someone, the usual reaction is “what can you make a living at?” Well that is all fine and dandy, and maybe a better question for the wild child. After all, she still has her whole life ahead of her, and does need to think about supporting herself. I would like to make some money, but not necessarily having to support myself. For me it is more a case of supporting itself, making me happy, and not causing a negative effect on my family i.e. not being around when I’m needed.
So, I left my job in 2010 to expand my website and graphic design business. It started out pretty good, but then my mother got sick, and she had to move in with us. My whole attention had to go to her, and the business took a back seat. By the time she was back in her home, I was totally exhausted – we were all exhausted. It took months for us to get back to a normal life, and then we had to get the house back to normal for our son’s wedding. That was wonderful, don’t get me wrong, but in the meantime the website building business has pretty much gone by the wayside. It is too easy for a person with a little knowhow to build a website with all the template companies online. My clients pretty much consist of non-profit organizations who have committees that change regularly that would much rather pay me to run their website than worry about having someone on their committee with the knowhow. It pays some, but isn’t exactly exciting work. The graphic design part is mostly doing printed materials, brochures, booklets, books, posters, flyers, business cards, signage etc. All can be transferred to web graphics as well, so it does cross over. I enjoy this work, but it isn’t easy work to get in a one person shop.
Then there is the genealogy, this is something I have had a love of for over 30 years. I started writing it all down when I was pregnant with the oldest. I will research anyone’s family tree, and get excited with every discovery. I have the book to get my certification, I also have an old friend I am going to use her family as my subject for it. But, I need to have the time set aside to devote totally to it. Even now I am working on my future son-in-laws tree in order to have a display more balanced to my daughter on the table at their wedding.
The photography, how I love to take pictures. But a real photographer knows that in order to be a ‘real’ one it takes time. You can’t just pick up a camera, take a few hours to learn how it works, and hang up your shingle. You have to spend many, many hours learning your camera, and then the post production. I’m not there yet. I’m getting there. I did a shoot this past weekend that I felt very good about. I still have my weak points, but I know them and what I have to work on. But the hardest part here is my equipment. I now see why spending the money on a more expensive lens makes so much difference. But you have to get out there and shoot a lot of stuff, not making any money, just to learn. The equipment is a big investment, and you always want more. Even as I sit here now my list keeps growing, and I just can’t ask hubby to buy me more until I figure out a way to at least pay for what I want.
Or how about sewing. Then we have the artwork that goes along with the photography, paper filigree (or quilling), and yes there is even cross-stitch, knitting, and Kumihimo in the basket next to the couch. That all goes with the whole arts and crafts theme. So why don’t I just put my wild child out of her misery and we open our own store? Couldn’t do that here and compete with where she works. It has been there since time began, she has been there 10 years, and the owner is an old family friend.
The worst part is that I am not limited to what I have listed above. There is more, and I am always open to more. I love to travel, and have no problem with doing that. I do prefer to have someone with me, traveling alone can sometimes be daunting, and boring. But I also have to remember my limitations. I do have fibromyalgia, although under control most of the time. It is under control because I take control of what I do, and when, most of the time.
So there we have it. I had hoped that by writing it down I might have some clarity, but unfortunately it has just made me think of other things I need/want to get done. I guess I had better get off my butt and start my day, LOL. I really do love my life, chaotic confusion and all!!!
Now, where is that list . . .