Thinking about writing lately I have been a bit stuck; where to go with everything that is in my head and heart. Sitting here, with a little writers block . . .
I had quite an illumination when I ran across something written by a single dad titled “You Just Broke Your Child. Congratulations.” He tells of seeing a small child’s spirit being ‘broken’ by a father who just didn’t have time for him. (The article is well worth the time to read)
For me, it brought back a conversation I had with my niece. Not that it was related to her, but to making changes to make things better. She and her husband are at a turning point in their lives; having to make decisions that will affect so many people. I remembered so vividly being there, and shared some of that with her. The choices you make, the regrets you may have, but looking back knowing you did the right thing. You have to know the choices you make are right for the ones closest to you, your spouse, your children, and for you.
Then I read the article “When a Cashier Reminded Me My Son Has Down Syndrome”. It is about having a child with Downs syndrome and how you don’t remember sometimes until someone reminds you.
Reading this takes me back to my previous post, about my trip back to Arizona and another time in my life. I lived that life with a multi-handicapped child for 16 years. She was born at 28 weeks in 1978, when medical science was not as advanced as today. When such tiny lungs had little chance of working, let alone surviving, but she did. She fought, she grew, she loved, she smiled – for almost 16 years. Many a time I can relate to the mom in the article in forgetting, or just not knowing anything different. But also having the people saying the cruel things; just not understanding. This was our life, how we knew it to be. She was born that way, she was given to us that way, and we cherished her that way. Then she was done, she had finished what she came to do – she went back to God.
There are so many theories out there as to what happens when you die, or even how you are born. That your spirit choses your parents, that your past lives will dictate what your future lives will be, what you will do, learn, and be. Or there is nothing . . . I don’t like to think there is ‘nothing’. Let alone the simple fact of nothingness being boring. I just think there is too much to life, to this world, to our being, for us to just end in nothing.
I stay open-minded, I read, I listen, I feel, I watch. But what it really boils down to is NOW. We don’t really know what happened before we were born, or what will happen when we die. We can prophesize all we want. Scientists can research and experiment, but it is still assumption, or their conclusion. So instead of spending all that time focusing on things that might have happened, or that might be someday, I chose to focus on now, and what I can capture from now for the future.
One of the things I confirmed talking to my cousin is that I am a mix of the personalities of my ancestors. But when I look at the studies of Nature vs. Nurture who I am doesn’t fit the mold. So, how much of me is genetic vs. the environment I grew up in? Which brings me back to the article I first read about breaking your child. What I do know is one very important thing. When you hear your child walking into the room, SMILE. They see it, every time. They know, and they will grow from it. Take that moment, they will remember, they really will 😀